ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

    Smart man + smart woman = romance
    Smart man + dumb woman = affair
    Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
    Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
  
    OFFICE ARITHMETIC
    Smart boss + smart employee = profit
    Smart boss + dumb employee = production
    Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
    Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
  
    SHOPPING MATH
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
  
    GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
    can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  
    HAPPINESS
    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and
    love him a little.
    To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not
    try to understand her at all.
  
    LONGEVITY
    Married men live longer than single men, but married men
    are a lot more willing to die.
  
    MEMORY
    Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use
    in two people remembering the same thing.
  
    APPEARANCE
    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
  
    PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
    doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and
    she does.
  
    DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
    argument.
  
    COMPREHENSION
    There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman--
    before marriage and after marriage.
  
    HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
    Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in
    the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They
    stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
  

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