Things that will happen when Obama becomes President

Ok, so it’s a foregone conclusion now, right? Everyone willing to throw in the towel? While I DO say this kind of tongue in cheek, and do expect the undecideds to break for McCain in the end by about 70-80%, I figured I would write an article that will illustrate what will happen if Obama becomes President.

Some serious, some not so serious…

So, putting on my “Nostradamus” hat…

1. Obama will reveal that the ‘b’ really IS an ’s’, and invite his brother back home out of Afghanistan.
2. Ear Muff sales will triple.
3. Al Gore will claim he invented the negro.
4. Political hopefuls in college everywhere will drop out of world history political science and instead enroll in speech writing and sermon classes.
5. O.J. will not only be pardoned, but promoted to “Chief of Stab”… I meant “Staff”… really…
6. Half of the remaining KKK members will commit suicide. The other half will head toward Washington, their pick-em-up trucks full of beer and bullets. (Note to them: “Washington” is the one with the “D.C.”, up there in the northeast, not the big State way up in the northwest…)
7. The Secret Service will be replaced by “The New Black Panthers”
8. The name “White House” will be under immediate review.
9. Louis Farrakhan will still insist that the black man is held in the gutter by the evil whites and jews.
10. Jesse Jackson will become obsolete. Finally. Really. No, I mean it.
11. Jeremiah Wright will replace him.
12. Rosie O’Donnel will still be gross and enormous (I mean her mouth), and unimportant.
13. Code Pink will hold a huge party. Lesbians only, however.
14. Terrorists will become more afraid of France than the U.S., as we begin to employ the “Let’s sit down and talk with them, one on one” policy.
15. Obama will meet one on one with Ahmadinejad. He will later think “that was the DUMBEST thing I ever said I would do…”
16. Troops may start packing to come home… enlistments and re-enlistments will drop sharply.
17. Having taken the “top” job in the U.S., the NAACP will have nothing left to”advance”, and their membership will find something else to do.
18. Blacks and whites across the country will applaud our “first black President”. Geneticists will remind them that he is half white, and half black, and that the dominant gene is indeed, in this case, the ‘white’ gene from his mother.
19. Bill Clinton will then step up and say “Wait a minute… I thought I was the first black President?”, to which we will reply “No. No. You invented Al Gore. And thank you very little.”
20. During the post-election celebration, many major cities, especially those in the south, may find large groups of blacks in the streets. There might be violence, and building fires. What a fitting way to show how far we’ve come.
21. “Some of my best friends are black people” will lose its cliché power, and will be replaced by “My PRESIDENT is a black person!”, giving white people across the nation nothing left to “prove”.
22. Michelle Obama will become the most outspoken and disliked first lady in the history of the nation.
23. T-shirts showing Michelle Obama’s face with the text “First Ho” will be everywhere.
24. Your taxes WILL go up. More than once.
25. Millions in Florida and Ohio won’t know what to in the days following, having set them aside for the immediate but now unnecessary recount process.
26. Millions of Americans will wake up on Wednesday thinking “why the HELL didn’t I get my ass out and VOTE???”

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