Look. Everyone with a pickup probably has a tonne cover mounted over the bed by now. I mean, who hasn't heard about all the benefits that come with a tonne cover? Maybe if you and your Ford Ranger spent a lot of time isolated on the island of Malta performing austerities and studying the curative properties in the indigenous water, you may have missed out on learning about the benefits of truck bed covers. But it's so rare that people perform austerities these days.

Nevertheless, I would not want to skip ahead to talking about the top three unconventional uses for a tonne cover without first covering the top three conventional uses. Here's a refresher course for everyone who hasn't been on Malta for the past five years:

Cargo Protection
You know when you're floating down a lazy river on an inner tube at a water park and you come to the bridge where kids can plunk quarters into water cannons and blast you square in your zinc-covered nose? In this analogy, your pickup bed is the inner tube, your cargo is the zinc-covered nose, and the kids on the bridge are Mother Nature. When you're driving around without a tonne, rain, sleet and snow can wreck havoc on your freight. But, a Chevy tonne or Dodge tonne acts like an umbrella, shielding your stuff from downpours.

Theft Deterrence
Believe your local news reports: green-eyed thieves hopped up on goofballs are roaming around parking lots everywhere looking to loot your gear. If it can be pawned, it'll be palmed. However, these blurry-eyed bandits are opportunists. They're going to go after easy prey, and a tonne cover discourages these pirates in two ways: they can't see what you're packing in your pickups payload and many truck bed covers lock into place.

Better GPS
The next time you're on the freeway, stick your hand out the window. You'll feel a lot of resistance pushing against your digits, and you'll have to use some extra energy to keep your hand from flopping back. That resistance is called drag, and it's a real problem for trucks because a tailgate is essentially a giant hand stuck out your window. But, a tonne cover smoothies out your rigs aerodynamics, allowing air to flow cleanly over your bed instead of smashing into your tailgate and slowing you down.

So, those are the big three advantages of a tonne cover. Now, here are three little-known benefits:

1) The tarp of a soft roll-up tonne can double as an impromptu cape in case you need to do some emergency crime fighting.

2) In a pinch, the aluminum frame can be converted into a smallish soccer goal post.

3) They allow you to transport albinos safely in broad daylight.